Category: Let's talk
Hello all!
How many of you have had to deal with this in your life time?
Right now I'm dealing with a dad who doesn't seem to want to take time out for his son. I'm currently at the statler center in new york, Graduating in November, the 13th, to be exact.
Tonight after having a conversation with my mother, it seems like he has been making over a thousand and one excuses about why he can't come down, everything to I can't aford it bla bla bla.
I need all the advice I can get right now. Thanks guys.
Gosh, that really sucks. I know it sounds mean to say it but... youcan't make him come if he doesn't want to. If he decides not to show, even after you invite him, it's not your loss, it's his. Maybe you should ask him why he avoids you and things that are important to you, but I don't think you will get much of an answer. Bottom Line: It's his loss, not yours if he decides not to attend. You can only change your behavior and attitude, not someone else's. HTH.
Wellm my dad is nowhere in my life, and no matter what people say, or what he says, for that matter, I will not be able to forgive thim for that. i do not know him and do not wish to. When I was younger, I used to wish for him to be a part of my life, but after being left by him in the middle of an unknown area, i will not take his excuses.
My mom, on the otherhand, doesn't ever seem to have much time for me! She is a prt of my life, but she has a lot of her own issues to deal with. I cant say it doesn't hurt me, but for as much time as I have had to learn to deal with it, and that my mom is not gonna change, I have learned not care. Granted that is not easy, but something that has to be done.
Bottom line is, i know it is hard to accept, but sometimes the only thing you can do is be thankful for what you do have, and keep in mind that it will be his loss, and he will regret one day, just like my dad will!
Then again, I dont really know what is like to have a dad!
I'm sorry for all of you that haven't had two parents, because they can counterbalance eachother, and help you see things in different ways than one parent alone. The only thing I can suggest is that you seek out an older male. I'm not saying as a substitute father, but as someone you can go to to just talk things out, and ask for advice. Here's hoping you find a course of action that brings you peace.
Lou
Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't had both parents for the last well, 20 years or so, and even before my dad chose to write himself out of my life for the foreseeable future, we moved house when I was 14 months old, by which time he was seeing his second wife (2 of 5, lmfao) and then 4 months later, he left. believe me, I noticed and temper tantrums/terrible twos kicked off big style in the form of my pushing mum away, just not wanting to be with her because I didn't have my dad any more, for we'd been close and I was a true daddy's girl. On the ocasions I did see him, I can remember one day, we went to the park, then round his parents' place to see my paternal Grandmother and her sister, my great Auntie Betty, then I suppose we went back to his and second wife Heather's house where she gave me my bath, got me ready for bed before they took me home again. That was the last real memory before we just lost touch for the best part of 11 or 12 years until I decided I wanted to track him down nearly 10 years ago now, so that is precisely what we did. By this time, he was on his third wife, Jackie, having had my two half-brothers Russell and Ryan with heather, not even two years after our last meeting and splitting up with her. He then went through quite a rough time splitting from his third wife. I won't go in to it, but things got quite dramatic, quite nasty. Then of course, he's had a 4th girlfriend, Marianne or something like that, now he's on his 5th girlfriend or perhaps, even his wife by now. I hate not having two parents. I found it especially hard when I started School because everybody else in the whole school with the acception of myself, had a fulltime dad who played a fulltime active role in their family lives. As for me, I only had a single mum who worked fulltime so I'd basically come home from School, I'd be looked after by my Grandparents for the best part of Friday afternoons before she rolled in at 6:00, sometimes halfpast 6, we'd go home, have tea, I'd perhaps have a bath before I had to go to bed at 8:00, then I'd have just two days with her as I was at Boarding School and I'd have to leave the house at around 7:30 every Monday morning so I'd make it to School in time for 9:00, Choir practice and Assembily before lessons started at 10. I was almost always late because of the traffic on the M25 always being at a complete standstill. Mum got herself ready and went to work after I left and by this time, I was just so, so close to her as she'd had to give up work till I went to School, thanks to dad's affair with Heather resulting in her chucking him out, that I'd just be a complete emmotional wreck from one Monday morning taxi journey to the next, for everything I was wearing, everything I was carrying even, smelt of home, smelt of mum's perfume or washing comfort where she'd washed my uniform or where she'd unpacked my overnight School bag the previous friday, my point being, the bond's worse when there's just one parent. It's a hell of a lot stronger than if there were two parents in your life and you stick to them like glue and you can't, you just can't let go when you have to.
Jen.
aww, i feel sorry for all you guys who don't have a dad, or have a dad who chooses not to be part of your lives. mines always been in my life, and i don't kno what i'd do without him. yeah, i'm a daddy's girl, although, you wouldn't kno it, cause i'm nowhere near the type of girl that you'd think would be. you kno, the girl that acts like a spoilt princess, just to get what she wants from daddy. also, my dad's dad wasn't a part of his life for something like 20 years, cause he divorced my grandmother and went off and married another woman, leaving my dad to look after his mother, (he's the yungest of 9, and most of his brothers and sisters had moved out of home, and she was getting old). okay, i'm done with the fluffy part of this, now, the advice, and i'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but thoes of you who kno me, kno that i don't bullshit around when it comes to things like this. the first thing you need to ask yourself is, do you really need or want someone in your life who is going to treat you like crap all the time, and not want anything to do with you at all? if you still want your dad in your life, then you need to have a serious talk with him, man to man, and findout just what the hell his problem is, and if it's with you in particular at all. i kno you love your dad, but sometimes love just isn't enough, and even if you give up on him, at least you kno you've tryed to have him as a part of your life. he's the one who will regret it later, not you! theirs only so much a person can take before they have to say, "enough is enough, and i can't take this anymore" however, you should do all you can to try and keep him in your life, before you even do that, and only you can kno when you can't take anymore of his excuses. i think it's sad how he's treating you, and you don't deserve that.
In answer to the OP, if your dad can't be bothered with you, don't be bothered with him.
I got loads of family problems but I feel I shouldn't post what I'm goign through here though, only for the privacy of my family you see hope you understand besides it can't be helped anyways.
Well to the poster I hope things work out in your favor in the end, my father is the same way except wants nothing to do with his entire family but as I stated above I won't go intot hat also, so I can relate. Have you tried talking to him about this?
Well even though i have my mom, the one father figure I knew best was my grandpa, and he is long passed now, and that was the only time i ever got to experience the father figure thing. And as for a mother, i see my grandma as more of a mom than my actual mom. To me, my real mom is more like a sister, rather than a mom, as we sort of grew up together. She had me at eighteen, but was nowhere near ready! I know she tried her best, and I am thankful for that, but noone will take the place of my grandma! I am, and very proud to be, a granma's girl!
Anyway, good luck with that! It's tough, but I have learned to be thankful for what I have, and will not force someone to be in my life who wont do it! And maybe, well it might be just me, but maybe my dad wasn't really worth having in my life anyway!
Hi, I have both parents, so can't really relate. To the first poster, just be honest with your dad. You're an adult, and you should be on adult terms relationshipwise. Just ask him why he can't come to your graduation. Then, if he doesn't give you a satisfactory answer, just try to move on. So often, people hang on to the dumbest things. To play devil's advocate here, maybe he really can't afford to make it. Just say your piece as best you can. If he's a decent guy, he'll understand your point of view.
Sorry to those of you that don't have both parents in your lives. I am fortunate enough to have both parents in my life that are actively involved in it.
As for the situation at hand, you need to talk to your father one on one and ask him yourself why he can't make it. True, money is tight these days, but then again, my grandparents work really hard during the week, and although they may not be able to afford it, they come up and see my sisters and I, since we're the only grandkids they have, and support us and come see us in most events we may be involved in, even take my family and I on vacation and pay for everything! If your dad really luvs you, he can make a conscious effort to come see u. If he can't see u, it's time to move on. He'll regret what he's doing one day.
agree with post ten.
hey doug,
if he doesn't want to come to see yu then it's his loss not yours,and if yu need to talk remember just call me,and i'll try to help the best i can even though we aren't talking anymore.
hugs,
ff
Hmm, I know ow difficult that is but keep holding on to the memories that you had with him. And yes I agree he will get to regret things.
let me tell you, my Dad was hardly ever there and when he was he was the biggist ass wipe you'd ever want to meet!
Then later on, I learned that my mom's no picnic eether. My point is that sometimes you just have to rely on yourself.
currently, my dad isn't apart of my life, but that's no excuse as to why your dad can't attend. it's his loss, and you can't force him to go. but at least, someone may attend your graduation, and that's all that matters. and, he probably will regret it one day. good luck with all of this.
Hey Doug. I know it's rough. My dad only talks to me now because he almost died of a heart atack, literally. He didn't even have the decency to tell me until my sister convinced him to. That's pretty crappy. But anyway...whatever. Now my dad's playing at least two girls. I don't even want to know their names, much less actually meet them. I don't even want to meet one of them unless they get engaged. I made that mistake last year, when my dad dated this really nice girl for four years, and when they broke up last year, I was heartbroken. To this day, I still miss her. My mom seems to have no faith in me. She won't even talk about college plans with me. So, the best thing I can say is, stick close to your friends, and hey. If all else fails, you always have yourself, and you're a strong person. I know you can do it.
My heart goes out to all of you with absent parents and I agree with many who have said if you've tried communicating and he doesn't give you a satisfactory response you've given it your best shot and try to put your energy into the people who genuinely care about you. It will be your father's lossif he chooses not to attend.
indeed...it is his loss.
Hi sweetie I have both of my parents even though we don't have the best relationships. Just remember you have me and you have your friends. If he does not come its his own fucking fault.